Pop-Tarts, And That’s My Final Answer
Have you ever been right smack in the middle of a tough situation and realized that it could have totally been avoided had you just taken a few moments to think things through before diving head first...
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Hey, You Can Always Just Drop Out
Ok, so it’s been a while since I’ve done an update. Of course, this is after I promised that I’d post an update every two weeks. Well, what had happened was, my pursuit of an MBA degree kind of took...
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When Chicken Is Your Last Name …
It’s hard to believe that it’s mid-December already. It seems like it was just yesterday when we were ringing in 2010. Now, if you sneeze twice and yell Bloody Mary, it’ll be 2011. Like most, I’m in...
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How I Flunked The GMAT
As an adult you learn to take responsibility when you make a mistake or fall short of expectations. Allegedly, it makes you a bigger person to take ownership, learn from your shortcomings, and simply...
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The Real Me (We R Who We R)
After much thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that I must have multiple personalities. Although my team of therapists have not yet confirmed or denied whether they agree with my theory or not, that...
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Three Fish, A Hairline, And A Dumpster Walk Into A Bar…
As some of you may already know, I recently changed jobs. Wait a minute. I know what you’re saying, “Michael, you switched jobs again! You barely learned your supervisor’s name at the last job, and you...
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Only In My Skinny Jean Dreams
I think I need a paramedic!!!Recently I’ve learned that there are certain games that you just shouldn’t ask people to play. One of those games is the guessing game. Guess my age. Guess my weight. Guess...
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I Fully Admit To Having A Problem…Kind Of
Umm, maybe I don't need any more clothes.Some say that the first step to solving any problem or addiction is to acknowledge that you have one. Well, if I’m allowed to be completely honest, I think that...
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You Give An Inch, They Take Your Car
Back in the early 1800s, when I was about 19, my grandmother gave me a five-gallon water bottle for me to use to save change in. Like a good little grandson, after she gave it to me, I completely...
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It’s All In The Mouth
No I won’t open wide!!!If you’re anything like me, I’m sure you enjoy receiving an unexpected compliment every now and then. At 33, I’m honored to still be asked to show my ID when I purchase alcohol...
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And The Oscar Went To…
Michael’s OscarIt is with deep sadness and regret that I inform you that, even though my blog was nominated in six of the major categories for the 2014 Oscars, including best supporting fish in a...
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Becoming Michael
Me and BugsyFirst of all, I’m sure you’ve probably heard the news about me filing that lawsuit against Michelle Obama for releasing her new book Becoming. It is truly unfortunate, but I can assure you...
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Help! Has Anyone Seen My Brows?
Don’t hate me cause I’m beautifulThe other day, I was minding my own business when I looked into the mirror and saw something very disturbing. I almost screamed. My eyebrows had grown so bushy that...
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Twitter Superstar
Either this alert could be good, but it could be oh so bad.The day I was born, I looked over at my mama and said, “One day I want to go viral on Twitter. I don’t know how it’s going to happen or when,...
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Four of My Five Shrinks Agree
Just a routine medical oil change.So, I was minding my own business the other day, wondering how I could solve world peace while also appearing on the next season of The Bachelor when it hit me: I had...
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Birthday Tires & Prostates
The glass absolutely is half empty, and I should know.Despite all the begging, pleading, and letters I wrote to Santa, my birthday has somehow managed to come around again this year. As many of you and...
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And Sometimes the Crap Hits More Than Just the Fan
I am all types of adorable! You know it. I know it. We all know it.A wise person once said, “Never have drinks with coworkers.” Because I have problems with authority, I usually don’t listen to wise...
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Black Friday, Red Saturday, Death Monday
Doesn’t this Nintendo Switch sign just call out to you to buy it for me?Like most people, every Black Friday I’m forced to make major life decisions. I scrounge through the sales ads and ponder whether...
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Kiss the Girls . . . and Expectant Mothers
Mythical Pom Animals?!?!?!? What type of sorcery is this? You may know this about me already, but sometimes I find myself in awkward situations. I’m not sure why this happens. Perhaps it’s because of...
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The Master Cleanse
Master Cleanse IngredientsI recently got the bright idea to try the Master Cleanse. I’m not exactly sure why I made this decision, but maybe it was because my laptop camera got tired of trying to fit...
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